On [Topic]

I am so behind on blogging. I am so behind on any form of writing, period. I try, I really do, but time passes quickly during the week and after work and school and volunteering and "Tom time", the last thing I want to do is think my thoughts into typewritten sentences. I want to relax and watch TV and clean and call friends / family and snuggle in my bed. And of course on weekends, all I want to do is play! It's a vicious cycle.

Unfortunately, the writer in me is begging for attention and I have a least five blogs and story lines and book chapters running through my head at any given moment of the day. Even though I don't have time to get to them all I try to jot down notes when I can or even start blogs and save them for later so that I'm being somewhat productive in my passions.

Life has been busy. In good / happy ways; bad / sad ways. It is always moving forward, even if sometimes I feel stuck. Many times I want to write about all kinds of things besides the good surface stuff (I praise those of you who can write your feelings / struggles so openly), but I feel shy or protective or ashamed or overwhelmed. Still, that doesn't make those things any less prominent in my thoughts or of less interest to my readers. In fact more often than not I find that's what the readers are most interested in. Because what's real and relatable interests us all. That's just not exactly what I want to focus on when real and relatable are often raw and painful. So the writer in me goes on strike. Yes, I am a writer. I may not be a novelist, journalist, or professional blogger, I may not be published (yet), but I am a writer nonetheless and I don't think I own that enough. I don't think you can be something to it's full potential until you believe you are that thing fully. It doesn't matter what you're told, or how you are defined, it matters what you know and how you choose to define yourself. I am many things: girlfriend, daughter, legacy left behind, sister, caregiver, religious member, New Yorker, pain-the-ass, student, woman, roommate, twenty-something, friend, world traveler, achiever, dreamer, lover; and I am a writer.

I want to be a better writer. I want to write more often. I want to more actively work on my memoir and other projects. There is a fear that comes with writing a memoir. A fear of everything being out in the open; a fear of everything staring me in the face after I worked so hard to look away. I much prefer procrastinating or pretending I don't really have a story to tell. But I do. I need to get motivated to do more writing. Not just updating and journal-blogging (you can thank me later, future spawn), but writing. I need to focus on my own writing, for my own fulfillment and enjoyment (and hopefully yours, too). Which is how I came up with the plan to add a writing focused segment to my blog called On [Topic].

On [Topic] is my weekly endeavor to write. Write meaning to dedicate time, effort and brain cells to something other than uploading photos or reminiscing about a recent adventure or excursion or concert or show (though intermittently I'll still do that--record for future spawn, remember? And it's fun to share the happy stuff!). I don't think a written post once every seven days is too much to commit to, do you? Well, we shall see... Sometimes I can't even commit to taking the trash out.

I'll make you a deal. If you read it, I will write it. Write about whatever topic comes to mind (or via suggestion) and strikes a chord in my finger tips. It may be about my family (weeks worth of topics right there--thank you Bipolar Disorder), my life, my religion (LDS--again a topic bringer), an experience, an observation, a request, a question, a conversation, or a simple poem / sentence / rambling of no consequence whatsoever (like what public outings are not okay to bring your baby). The point is I will write!

Here's where YOU, rad readers, come in.... You can help me stay motivated in this weekly ambition by asking questions or making suggestions / requests via the awesomeness of formspring. A new box on the top right hand side of my blog has been provided for you and will also be at the bottom of each On [Topic] post. Just Ask and Send! All submissions are anonymous (unless you specify otherwise or sign your name) and only come to me. Cool huh?!

You can ASK. ME. ANYTHING! Really. For those who know me you know I'm a fairly open and blunt person, usually crossing all lines of what's ok to discuss or ask regardless of how well we know each other. However, I'm still a person who has feelings and boundaries (stretched as they may be). While I encourage any and all questions, please be considerate and kind in what / how you ask. Especially on more sensitive topics relating to my personal life and family.

That said, bring On the Topics!